Finding Beauty

Our assignment was to write about something we find beautiful, which is not appealing to everyone.  Can we find beauty in things like death, pain, sadness or hurt?  Our professor said, "Tell me about finding beauty where others see none" and  I instantly thought of my day at the Provo courthouse about a year ago.

I had been able to observe a few cases where domestic violence was a factor and a petition for a restraining order had been filed. I am a victim advocate and a survivor of abuse myself so I know how hard it is to ask for and receive help in these types of situations. During a break I needed to make a phone call and so the bailiff ushered me into a semi-private room with a few public phones. Not long after I made my call a woman, who I had just seen in the courtroom, came in and sat down next to me. She was a bit of a mess. Her hair was messy but pulled back in an elastic band and she had bruising on her face. Her arm was in a sling and although she had a smile on her face, she cried as she spoke to the person on the other end of the phone.

I was waiting for someone to call me back so I sat there listening to the woman next to me as she called her daughter. She explained to her daughter that the judge had granted the restraining order and that now they would be safe. Then I heard her say, “If this is what it took to keep you safe, a week in the hospital was worth it.” I then looked closer. The gray lines on her left arm where tape had left a mark from where the needle from her IV had been taped down.

When she hung up the phone I asked her if she was okay and 15 minutes later we had exchanged numbers. This woman was ten years younger than me but looked older. Against the doctors wishes, had checked herself out of the hospital. She was in court to testify in person against her ex husband. He had been abusive for years but never before had she ended up being hospitalized. She had a broken arm and a broken collarbone. She looked frail and broken but that was only on the outside. On the inside, this woman was stronger than you could imagine. She told me that after years of abuse and being emotionally broken, she just snapped when she woke up in the hospital. She said that all of a sudden she felt determined to not be a victim anymore. She felt powerful and determined.

The woman I saw, who walked into the courtroom that day looked a mess. The woman, who hugged me and smiled as she walked out of the courthouse that day, was strong and determined. She saw happiness in her future. You could see it in her face as she walked by, head held high.

And to me, it was beautiful.

I had it all mapped out in front of me,

Knew just where I wanted to go;

But life decided to change my plans,

And I found a mountain in the middle of my road.

 

I knew there was no way over it,

So I searched for a way around;

Brokenhearted I started climbin',

And at the top I found...

 

Every fear, every doubt,

All the pain I went through;

Was the price that I paid to see this view;

And now that I'm here I would never trade...

 

The grace that I feel,

And the faith that I find;

Through the bitter-sweet tears,

And the sleepless nights;

I used to pray he'd take it all away,

But instead it became a beautiful heartbreak.

I never dreamed my heart would make it,

I thought about turning around;

But heaven has shown me miracles,

I never would have seen from the ground.

 

Now I take the rain with the sunshine,

Cause there's one thing that I know;

He picks up the pieces,

Along each broken road.

Every fear, every doubt,

All the pain I went through;

Was the price that I paid to see this view;

And now that I'm here I would never trade...

The grace that I feel,

And the faith that I find;

Through the bitter-sweet tears,

And the sleepless nights.

I used to pray he'd take it all away,

But instead it became a beautiful heartbreak.

I would never trade...

The grace that I feel,

And the faith that I find;

Through the bitter-sweet tears,

And the sleepless nights.

I used to pray he'd take it all away,

But instead it became a beautiful heartbreak.