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What is not obviously Beautiful?

Our assignment was to write about something we find beautiful which is not appealing to everyone.  What is not obviously Beautiful? Can we find beauty in things like death, pain, sadness or hurt?  My professor said, "Tell me about finding beauty where others see none". 

I instantly thought of my day at the  courthouse about a year ago.

I had been able to observe a few cases where domestic violence was a factor and a petition for a restraining order had been filed. I am a victim advocate and a survivor of abuse myself so I know how hard it is to ask for and receive help in these types of situations. During a break I needed to make a phone call and so the bailiff ushered me into a semi-private room with a few public phones. Not long after I made my call a woman, who I had just seen in the courtroom, came in and sat down next to me. She was a bit of a mess. Her hair was messy but pulled back in an elastic band and she had bruising on her face. Her arm was in a sling and although she had a smile on her face, she cried as she spoke to the person on the other end of the phone.

I was waiting for someone to call me back so I sat there listening to the woman next to me as she called her daughter.   I listened as she explained to her daughter that the judge had granted the restraining order and that now they would be safe. Then I heard her say, “If this is what it took to keep you safe, a week in the hospital was worth it.”  It was then I looked closer. 

I noticed the gray sticky lines on her left arm.  

When she hung up the phone I asked her if she was okay.   We were more alike than you would think, she and I.   Maybe she knew, maybe she could see it in me as well.    Maybe that's why she opened up to me. Half an hour later I had heard this woman's story.  It was a short version but she didn't have to go into detail.  I understood.  We both smiled.  She was not okay,  but I felt like eventually - she would be.  

She was ten years younger than me but looked much older. A hard life can do that.   Against the doctors wishes, had checked herself out of the hospital so she could be there in court that day.  She had come to testify in person against her ex husband.   He had been abusive for years but never before had she ended up being hospitalized.   She spoke to me with a broken arm and a broken collarbone. She looked frail and broken but that was only on the outside.  She was so brave.   On the inside, this woman was stronger than you could imagine.   

She told me that after years of abuse and being emotionally broken, she just snapped when she woke up in the hospital.  She thought of her children.   She wondered what would happen to them if she was no longer able to care for them. The woman looked at me and with the first bit of shame I had sensed from her, she said for the first time ever, she really thought about what kind of message she was sending her children by staying with someone who hurts her.    She wanted to be an example to her family, that no one has to put up with being hurt.   She said that all of a sudden she felt determined to not be a victim anymore.   She felt powerful and found strength she had forgotten she had within her.  I smiled and wiped a few tears away and hugged her goodbye.  

The woman I saw, who walked into the courtroom that day looked a mess. The woman, who hugged me and smiled as she walked out of the courthouse that day, was strong and determined.  She saw happiness in her future.  She had hope.   She felt stronger than she had felt in quite a long time.  You could see it in her face as she walked by, head held high. 

And to me, it was beautiful.

I had it all mapped out in front of me,

Knew just where I wanted to go;

But life decided to change my plans,

And I found a mountain in the middle of my road.

I knew there was no way over it,

So I searched for a way around;

Brokenhearted I started climbin',

And at the top I found...

Every fear, every doubt,

All the pain I went through;

Was the price that I paid to see this view;

And now that I'm here I would never trade...

The grace that I feel,

And the faith that I find;

Through the bitter-sweet tears,

And the sleepless nights;

I used to pray he'd take it all away,

But instead it became a beautiful heartbreak.

I never dreamed my heart would make it,

I thought about turning around;

But heaven has shown me miracles,

I never would have seen from the ground.

Now I take the rain with the sunshine,

Cause there's one thing that I know;

He picks up the pieces,

Along each broken road.

Every fear, every doubt,

All the pain I went through;

Was the price that I paid to see this view;

And now that I'm here I would never trade...

The grace that I feel,

And the faith that I find;

Through the bitter-sweet tears,

And the sleepless nights.

I used to pray he'd take it all away,

But instead it became a beautiful heartbreak.

I would never trade... 

The grace that I feel,

And the faith that I find;

Through the bitter-sweet tears,

And the sleepless nights.

I used to pray he'd take it all away,

But instead it became a beautiful heartbreak.

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