Simply June: Domestic Violence and Abuse

I have very strong feelings

about domestic violence

and abuse of any kind.

One of the best things I've ever done happen last year. In 2010 I began working as a victim advocate and I absolutely love it. Its been such a great thing for me to take a horrible experience and turn it into something that can help others.

I know first hand what it is like to think you are about to die at the hands of someone who claims to love you. I know what it feels like to wake up in the middle of the night with a stranger’s hand over your mouth saying “don’t scream”. I understand the hurt and shame. I have experienced grievous betrayal by a family member. I know what it feels like to be threatened by a parent, not to tell anyone. I know how scary telling strangers or testifying in court can be. I know how tough it can be to leave an abusive relationship and stand on your own two feet but I also know it can be done. If not for yourself, your children deserve better.

Anyone who has questions for me is welcome to leave a comment or contact me and I would be happy to help in any way I can. You can try contacting your local agencies as well as your religious leaders for options available in your area.can try contacting your local agencies as well as your religious leaders for options available in your area.can try contacting your local agencies as well as your religious leaders for options available in your area.

Working as a victim advocate has made me very aware of the need to speak up and let others know they are not alone. No one chooses to have bad things happen to them but we can choose how we react to it. If anyone you know needs help or support dealing with abuse of any kind there are people and organizations ready and more than willing to help.

I have listed some facts, information and links below that may be helpful.

Domestic Abuse
In the United States, a woman is battered every nine seconds

40% of female homicide victims are killed by their partners
About one half of the women in this country experience violence in a relationship
Domestic abuse affects people from all racial, social, and economic backgrounds

How Do You Know If You Are In An Abusive Relationship? Has your partner ever...

Intimidated you with looks, actions, and/or gestures?

Used a weapon to threaten or hurt you?

Demanded that you account for your time and whereabouts?

Withheld approval, appreciation, and/or affection as punishment?

Made you feel as if you were "walking on egg shells?"

Punched, kicked, slapped, choked, or shoved you?

Forced sex and/or sexual acts on you against your will?

Domestic violence is a pattern of controlling behaviors carried out by one person in an intimate relationship to maintain power and control over the other. There is no stereotype of a domestic violence victim or abuser. It can cross all lines of race, gender, income bracket, education level and sexual orientation. It does not occur only in married relationships, but also in dating and past relationships. Domestic violence may include physical assaults, emotional or verbal abuse, sexual assaults and financial abuse. You do not have to be physically hurt to be abused.

Physical assaults may in the form of slapping, punching, hitting, kicking, throwing objects, biting, pulling hair and withholding food, water or medical attention. Emotional and verbal abuse may be name-calling, threatening, manipulating, acts of extreme jealousy, humiliating or degrading, blaming, trivializing the abuse, angry outbursts or threatening children, family members, friends or pets. Sexual assault is not only the act of rape, but also groping, injuring private parts of the body, using threats or coercion to receive sexual acts, and calling degrading or sexual names. Financial abuse can be prohibiting one to work or go to school or forcing one to be the sole bread-winner. It can also be controlling all finances or giving of allowances.

Abusers are responsible for their own behavior. It is their need for power and control. Domestic violence is not about anger or things getting out of hand.

NO ONE DESERVES TO BE ABUSED

AND YOU ARE NOT TO BLAME.